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NikkieTutorials says she feels 'free' after coming out as transgender in a reflective Instagram post honoring Trans Day of Visibility

Nikkie Tutorials
Nikkie de Jager came out as transgender in a January YouTube video. Eugene Gologursky/Stringer/Getty Images
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Nikkie de Jager, also known as NikkieTutorials, used Instagram to reflect on her journey as a transgender woman this week.

On Tuesday, the YouTuber honored International Transgender Day of Visibility with an Instagram post about how her life has changed since coming out. She also shared a photo from her childhood, and opened up about what it was like to grow up while transitioning.

"Happy #transdayofvisibility," she wrote in the photo's caption alongside pink-and-blue heart emojis.

happy #transdayofvisibility 💙💖 2020 completely changed my life, and at times it got really, really dark... but looking back now, I’ve never felt so free. on the left is the day we left my dead-name in the past and I reintroduced myself to my classmates as Nikkie. it was the first day I wore a girly outfit and had my hair in braids. I remember feeling so terrified but strong at the same time... I wish I could hug that girl, look her straight into her eyes and tell her: “you’re doing exactly what you need to be doing. hold on queen!” 😢🥺 on the right is me yesterday.. a strong woman who sometimes still is scared of the world but knows she has the most amazing support system behind her 🥰

A post shared by NikkieTutorials (@nikkietutorials) on Mar 31, 2020 at 1:56pm PDT

Nikkie de Jager says her life has 'completely changed' since coming out as transgender in January

"2020 completely changed my life, and at times it got really, really dark," de Jager wrote on Instagram. "But looking back now, I've never felt so free."

She continued to explain her Instagram photo, which showed her as a child on the left, and as an adult on the right.

"On the left is the day we left my dead-name in the past and I reintroduced myself to my classmates as Nikkie," she said. "It was the first day I wore a girly outfit and had my hair in braids. I remember feeling so terrified but strong at the same time."

"I wish I could hug that girl, look her straight into her eyes and tell her: 'you're doing exactly what you need to be doing. hold on queen!'" she continued. "On the right is me yesterday — a strong woman who sometimes still is scared of the world but knows she has the most amazing support system behind her."

The YouTuber came out during her first YouTube video of 2020 

In January, de Jager shared her journey for the first time in a 17-minute-long video during which she said she knew since childhood that she was a girl. The YouTuber said she started hormone treatments and growth stoppers at 14 years old and had fully transitioned by the time she was 19.

 

De Jager said she chose to upload the video after being blackmailed by people who threatened to leak her story to news outlets.

"I am me. I am still Nikkie. Nothing changes about that," de Jager said. "The last thing I want in my life is for you to not trust me anymore, or to look at me with different eyes, or look at me in a different manner, or think that I have changed."

She added: "This feels liberating and freeing, but I, at the end of the day, am still Nikkie."

Representatives for Nikkie de Jager did not immediately respond to Insider's request for comment.

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Amanda Krause
Amanda Krause is a Senior Reporter at Business Insider covering a variety of lifestyle topics.Her work at BI includes profiles of beauty moguls, analyses of celebrity fashion, reviews of trending products, expert interviews across topics, features about booming small businesses and lucrative side hustles, and live coverage of award shows, pageants, and other events. Amanda has also widely covered Disney brands and theme parks, writing everything from slideshows about her experiences on Disney cruises to breaking-news stories focused on major changes and layoffs within the company. She previously appeared on CBS in 2024 to discuss the Met Gala and won an Anthem Award in 2023 for her work on Business Insider's package "Better Me."Amanda graduated from Ramapo College of New Jersey with a degree in Communications and Journalism, and has more than seven years of experience in the lifestyle space.You can email her at akrause@bjinnox.com.ExpertiseFashion, celebrity style, beauty, lifestyle trends, and Disney theme parks.Popular ArticlesI spent under $200 a night to stay at Disney World's cheapest resort. My tiny room was worth the convenience.A woman spent $2 on a necklace that resembled a Tide Pod. It turned out to be a one-of-a-kind art piece worth $3,000.Bobbi Brown is still living a life of luxury and lipstick — and it's all on her own termsA Kansas City store owner thought someone made a fraudulent order on his website. It was actually a legit purchase from Taylor Swift.Beyoncé's mom promised Ty Hunter 20 years ago that she would get him out of his retail job. Now he's styling the biggest stars in Hollywood.I've tested every product in Selena Gomez's makeup line, and almost every item is worth buying